Wednesday, September 29, 2010

new beginnings

It's been two months since my last post. An incredibly busy two months.

After my last post, I ended up going into labour that night and went to the hospital the next morning (the 29th). And after a long hard (and another posterior!!) labour of 14 hours, our sweet little girl Lucinda Rose was born. A little girl. Finally. After losing 3 little princesses, I finally have one in my arms. And she's mine. All mine. So much love for this slippery little thing. She was big. 9pd 3oz or 4.185kgs! And she was posterior for most of the delivery, right up until she crowned actually. Which made for a long, slow progressing, incredibly painful, hard labour. And the next one WILL be cut out. Or I will have an epidural at the start and feel nothing. It really was the most painful thing, gosh I thought Jordan's labour was painful. At least with his by the time it was time to push, it didn't hurt at all. With Lucy, as I was pushing I felt like my pelvis was being ripped apart, my coxyx (?) ached for days afterwards, and it felt like her head was grinding against my bones as she was starting to make her way through. Oh my goodness. I SCREAMED. Literally screamed my way through the actual birth.

But you know what? She. was. worth. it. And she came out so different looking to Jordan. She was a little bigger but had all this dark hair!! And had no trouble breathing, she just lay on my chest, bleeting like a little lamb, and looking at me with absolute peace. Like she was saying 'I'm here now, it's ok, I've been waiting for you too' it was so emotional. I couldn't believe it. That is the addictive part of having babies. That first moment together. Nothing else like it.

Still want the next one cut out though :P

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Well it's been an eventful few weeks since my last post. I've basically been in labour on and off for weeks, but it just wont progress or establish. Jordan had chronic vomiting and diarrhea since friday last week, and developed a fever and severe lethargy since sunday. Poor little guy. So sad.
So we took him to see the doc this morning and none of the normal checks showed anything, so sent him off for full blood works. It was horrendous. So awful to have to restrain your crying child while someone puts a needle in them :( Luckily he'd had some anisthetic cream applied to his arms earlier so it didn't actually hurt, it was more that he was frightened by the whole situation.
We have a follow up appointment tomorrow and hopefully know what's wrong with him shortly.

It's amazing how God has had his hand on the timing of this baby's birth. Had she come a few days ago, I could still be in hospital, and J wouldn't have been able to visit us (which, when all he wants is mummy, would have been so traumatic for him) if I'd had her earlier and we'd been home, we would have had to keep her away from him in case it's contagious, and I would have been having to be extra careful I didn't spread it from one child to another. But because this baby is perfectly, safely wrapped up in my belly, I'm able to completely devote myself to my son, without compromising the health or care of my daughter. God is so good.

And it's incredible, the link between the mind, body, and heart. I've gone into labour so many times - especially over the last week, but every time the contractions get intense, Jordan throws up, or his temp burns up, and he needs me, and then the contractions all but disappear. Amazing.

My induction is booked for friday morning, so I have less than 48 hours to have to wait for the beginning of this little girl entering the world. At my 41 week appt, the doc tried to make my induction for wednesday - which is today, but they were so booked up that they made it for friday instead. Needless to say I was a little deflated by the thought, but I know now that for Jordan to go through everything without me there, it would have been just awful. And I would have felt so selfish for being in hospital with my newborn while he's distressed calling out for his mumma :( Again, God is so so SO good.

Something also hit me last night. When I had my first few scans, they said that I was two days off with my conception date. I was actually 2 days less pregnant than my dates according to my last period. They don't bother to change the dates unless it's off by 6 days or more. So I always knew I was two days less, which makes my induction at 9 days past due, instead of 11. And at the end of a pregnancy, it's things like that that can do your head in!! I kept thinking 11 days! It's meant to be 1o tops!! But knowing it's 9, well, it kinda helps :)

So I will have a wriggly pink warm little baby girl in my arms in probably 48 hours!! Can't believe this pregnancy, waited for for so long, is almost over! Just 48 hours. Incredible. Thank you God for bringing me through this time, and bringing me to this point. Thank you thank you thank you. I love you.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010


I had a session with my accupuncturist today. I should have been back there weeks ago (after their month off to go to Europe) but with all this questioning surrounding whether I'd have a natural birth or caesar there was no point in having sessions if I didn't need them.

So now we know, and now we can go ahead! I walked in and he said how many weeks left, and I replied less than 2, then told him baby is big and measuring ahead of weeks and would he be able to do some induction techniques... and he said he'd be very happy to start induction on me!! Woo-freaking-hoo!!!!!!!!!!!!! At last someone who is taking this baby's size and gestation seriously and is willing to do use some natural techniques to bring this baby on!

So Paul did pretty much the same points he used when we were trying to get Jordan moving almost 4 years ago. One in each little toe, one next to each knee, one near each ankle, and one in each hand between the index finger and thumb. And goodness, the pains (contractions really) were rather strong - quite like bad period pain, tightness in the low abdominals, low back pain, and even some achiness in my butt cheeks - weird!! Haha. They were pretty much constant for the whole session, and I've been having pre-labour contractions ever since. Hopefully this will do the trick! I have another session on thursday and we'll take it from there.

Monday, July 5, 2010

mentally... just exhausted

These last number of weeks have been just exhausting. Being constantly told something different is doing my head in. After my 37 week scan last week I got into the car and just cried. I wanted a solid answer. At that point I was hoping... praying that she would be transverse or breech and I would be booked for a caesar. But to be told she's head down again, I was really quite upset. I just wanted something that would ensure the safety of my baby. I knew that a caesar would ensure she wouldn't start to come out the wrong way, but I now felt like I would spend the rest of my pregnancy worrying about when I go into labour, and what position she might be in when I do. The next (possibly up to) 4 1/2 weeks felt like an insurmountable mountain. And all I could think was 'what the hell was all this for then?' all the worry when I was first told she was transverse, then coming to terms with needing a caesar, then to finally be told I wont be booked for one and we'd just have to hope that all is fine when I go into labour.

So today's 38 week midwife checkup... why should I be expecting anything different? The checkup itself was good, though my bp was much higher. I'm measuring slightly under for weeks, which is no big deal. Fetal heart rate is perfect, and she's still head down, and very low. I asked the midwife if she'd do a stretch and sweep. She said she doesn't do it personally but was happy to call the ward to see if they would do it. So she calls the ward and they said no problem, send her up. I go up there with the trainee nurse who wanted to watch the procedure, and the nurse at reception says no worries, there's a room waiting for me. We get in there, wait for about 10 minutes, and the trainee goes looking for the midwife, then I hear this loud mouthed Irish lady complaining about what I would need a stretch and sweep for, what medical grounds, etc. So she marches in sits on the bed, and explains that it's 'not their policy' to do it before 38 weeks. Though 38 weeks is considered 'term' and a baby (as big as she apparently is - over 8lbs already) coming at this point is just fine. She said I would have to wait until 40 weeks.

So what is the point in waiting for 40 weeks? It could take a few trys for it to work, and at 40 weeks I have just 10 days until I'd be artificially induced anyway! So doesn't make sense! And seriously, if it 'wasn't their policy' I wouldn't have gotten the green light from two other midwives. What an idiot.

But I have an appt with my accupuncturist tomorrow, and we can hopefully start the induction points and see what happens from there.

And I've been having contraction like pains, and have been on the toilet so much! It's such a blessing having Celine, she's done this so many times, and she's SO OPEN that I can say anthing to her (like I did today when I said what's the best position to use in sex when you're trying to bring on labour?) and she'll get it and laugh and have some story to tell, and advice to give. She is wonderful. I love her dearly.

Friday, June 25, 2010


Since my last post I've seen my normal GP. She felt for bub and said she was head down. Then a moment later she felt again, and baby had moved to the side! She was then on the diagonal, with her butt under my right rib, and head down near my left hip! This is classified as an 'unstable lie' where she is somewhere between head down, and transverse, often switching between the two. This can be just as bad as transverse because if I do go in to labour, thinking she's head down, she might move, which will mean an emergency caesar. So I'm really hoping, praying actually, that on monday the scan will show her in a definite position (either transverse or breech) that will cause the OB to book me in for a caesar. It's not something I want to risk, and I couldn't spend the next 4 weeks waiting for labour to start, hoping that she's ok. I'd have to go straight to hospital, and be monitored constantly. It would be very stressful. And if she keeps flipping around, the cord could wrap around her neck, which is bad both inside the womb, and also in delivery. I've been googling it and have read enough to feel very strongly that an elective caesar is the best way to go for us.
Now I'm just praying for an obvious position in the scan where the OB will want to book me in for a caesar within a few days. I can get Kristal over here quickly and it can all be over and I can know that she is safe and sound on the outside, where I can protect her.
Praying praying praying...
Please Lord, this really is the best thing for me and my girl, You've brought us this far xx

Thursday, June 17, 2010

cheeky baby

I had my scan yesterday. She is perfect. Growing like a weed actually! She's gained 2 pounds in 2 1/2 weeks! And all over is measuring between 37-38 weeks, but I'm only 35 1/2 weeks :P goodness me. Oh and her estimated weight is 7 1/2 pounds!!! SD ratio was perfect, and she's obviously getting the nutrients she needed, so all good on that front.

However. The little miss has moved. Yep. After being in the perfect position for most of the 3rd trimester, she's gone and moved into a transverse position - worse than breech - where her head is under my left rib, her bum is under my right rib, and her feet are on my cervix. Awesome. And she's unlikely to move. She's obviously done it because she's running out of room, and is more comfortable where she is now, which is totally understandable, I mean, fair enough girl! So if we did move her (which Sandie assures me they wouldn't because it's painful and dangerous) there's a good chance she'll just move right back because she'll be uncomfortable. So that means a caesar for me. Far out. So much for coming to peace (after desperately wanting a caesar for the first two years after having Jordan!) with a natural birth. I'd even decided on a waterbirth, with accupuncture! But this isn't meant to be. And last night I was feeling ok about it. But this morning I woke up feeling tight in the chest and panicky and I couldn't get a proper breath. I ended up getting up early with Jordan, making a hot chocolate, and vegemite on toast. Which has made me feel less nauseas but I'm still anxious. Ugh. This sucks. So I'm now asking friends who have had great caesars to tell me their stories to try and alleviate the nerves. I so hope they'll get this over with soon. Sandie thinks they'll book me in at 37 weeks, which is a week from Monday. On Monday I have my normal 36 week checkup and the hospital doctor will probably book me in for the following Monday, or sometime shortly after. Because it's such a dangerous position for her to be in if I to go in to labour, they can't risk it by making it closer to 39 weeks which is what they'd do for a baby who is in the standard breech position. So this could all be over with in about 10 days!!

As for the strong contractions I was having the other night, turns out they were her moving position. No wonder. It was just so bizarre to be in that room again, and hearing the guy tell me that she's transverse. Two days earlier I was at the hospital, on monitors, checking everything out and she was head down! The midwife felt her! Less than 48 hours later I'm told she's moved. I know that this is God's plan, and I trust that. And I do have peace knowing this is what needs to be done, I really do. I'm just freaking out about the procedure that's all. Oh God, help me.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

almost time

I've been having some very strong braxton hicks contractions tonight. Quite a bit like bad period pain. With some backache. Good sign.

I have my scan tomorrow (my 7th for this pregnancy!!) and should know what's going on with the SD ratio (umbillical cord). If all is fine and bub is growing and the cord looks good then I guess they wont see the need to scan again, if not, then I suppose they'll book me in for another scan and compare again and take it from there.

I have complete peace about it all though, just as I have from the very start, even before I knew I was pregnant. This baby will be perfect when she's born. Absolutely perfect. And I can't wait to meet my sweet little thing!

Sunday, June 13, 2010

35 weeks!!

Wow, I haven't posted in almost 3 months! I've been so busy, and so sick. Goodness. I had the flu for 6 weeks, then got hit with gastro, then Jordan got sick, and we've not really fully recovered yet. Not being able to take drugs prolongs it all so much, but this girl is so worth it.

It's been a big few months. We had another 4d scan at 30 weeks which showed a healthy chubby little girl who looked so much like her big brother. Honestly, at 30 weeks I expected her to be a little bit skinny but she has the chubbiest cheeks and looks like a newborn!

We had our scan at 33 weeks to check the position of the placenta and I've got 8cm on one side and 13cm on the other side - we only needed a clearance of 2-3cm! So natural birth it is for us :) At the scan she was measured. My dates were 33 weeks exactly, her head measured for 34 weeks, her belly for 35 weeks, and her legs 36 weeks!!! Unbelievable. What a leggy little thing :) I'm just glad it wasn't her head that measured the biggest!! And the estimate of her weight it approx 5pounds, already... eek! Hopefully she wont be overdue.

I saw my doc regarding the results, and one thing they did find was that the umbillical 'ratio' (ratio to what exactly I'm not sure, but anyway) is within the normal range but at the high end, and if that ratio goes up it could prevent proper blood flow to the baby, which could inhibit her growth. All is probably absolutely perfect, but it's something they want to check anyway. So my 36 week appt was meant to be next week but Sandie wanted me to have an early one tomorrow (35 weeks) so they can check to see if bub has grown over the last two weeks. As with everything, right from the very start, I have absolute peace that this little girl will be absolutely perfect. And I know that if she's born early, she will be healthy and chubby because I've seen her! And she will be just fine. God has had His hand on this pregnancy even before I knew I was pregnant, and all will be fine.

And to be truthful, now I'm 35 weeks, I really don't mind her coming early :) I've been waiting a long time for this precious little butterfly. Praise God.

Monday, March 29, 2010


A month since I've written! Wow. It's been a busy month. We finally had our 4d scan a few days ago. It ended up being closer to 24 weeks than 22 weeks as the babies are so thin and you can't see more than bones and skin. However at 24 weeks we got a good look at HER :) yes, definitely a girl. So exciting! Once the sonographer got me to roll onto my side all of a sudden she looked quite well formed and could make out sweet little features like her nose and jaw and brow - she looks very much like Jordan, which is great! Jordan was a very beautiful, pretty baby that could have passed as either a boy or a girl.
On the way to the scan Jordan was very quiet and about 5 mins before we arrived he power spewed all over himself. Poor little man. He seemed quite ok - it didn't distress him in the least, until he realised he was covered in it and then flipped out - he really hates to be dirty. Luckily we weren't far and got there early enough that we could strip him down in the carpark and clean him up and dress him again. It's incredible how quickly little ones bounce back after being sick. Once we got his soiled clothes off him, he was bouncing around the carpark naked saying 'I want to go play with the toys!!!' - we'd told him that while we're looking at the baby there'll be lots of fun toys for him to play with. So he hasn't looked back! And has been fine since. However he did freak out when the chick was doing the sonogram, thinking she was hurting me. He really freaked out. Luckily mum was there, and she took him outside. But we decided in the end to cut it short and have another 1/2 session at 29 weeks, which will work out great as this scan was 20 minutes and we got 50 photos!! Definitely worth the money.
So a little girl, how exciting :)

Friday, February 26, 2010

shy little butterfly :)

So my scan was on monday. I haven't blogged about it yet because I've just been so busy. But the scan went well, Bean is just perfect and so pretty! When we came to the end of the scan the technician went to look between the legs to confirm the sex and my shy little butterfly had it's legs sealed shut!! We tried for a while but to no avail. The chick then informed me that throughout the scan she hadn't seen any obvious 'boy bits' so it was safe to say that it was a girl, but would need confirming at a later date. We'll be having our 3d scan very soon to confirm, but as we'd felt quite strongly that it was a girl from the start, as had everyone else, and the pregnancy is SO DIFFERENT (seriously, worlds apart!) we felt confident enough to go out and splurge on some pink things :) I've already filled one plastic tub. Fun fun! However if the next scan shows the presence of some boys bits then I've made a mental note of all the great boys stuff I want to buy and have kept the tags and receipts for all my purchases so far. So we'll know in about 2 1/2 weeks fingers crossed!

However, the only thing that most likely wont, but may be an issue, is that my placenta is quite low, just touching the cervix. Not so low to cause concern straight away but enough for them to want to schedule another scan for 32-38 weeks (yay!) to make sure it's moved into a better spot. Which I feel it probably will. Mostly because they just generally do, but also because I'm starting to feel some kicks (which, though they're still quite gentle, are coming quite frequently now - thank God!!) very low down. I'd known my placenta was at the front all along because I hadn't felt any movement for weeks, so it wasn't surprising for me to learn this. But we'll wait and see. I'm sure everything will work out just fine.

We're not really talking about names as it's been such a contentious issue in the past, but I feel we'll probably go with what Jordan was going to be which is Lucinda, but we'll call her Lucy. And I think Rose as the middle name because I really really like it, and I thought it would win Dean over because his beloved Grandma's name was Rosie. But we'll probably wait until 30+ weeks to start discussing it. Also I really don't like naming a baby before it's born - what if the scan is wrong after all? What if when she's born she doesn't look anything like the name you've picked for her? And I just think it's a little bit weird. No issues with other people doing it, it's just not for me. But it will most likely be Lucy :)

I'm 20 weeks in just a few days. I honestly can't comprehend how quickly it's gone. And the second half of something always goes faster. You're travelling down hill and it cruises by so much faster than the uphill ride. There's still a whole lot I would like to get done and get sorted by the time July rolls around. Mostly selling our house so we can free up some money and get started on the next chapter in our lives. I'm just so glad we're not stuck in that poky depressing house, though we still own it, we're so settled here in our temorary - but gorgeous - rental, that I don't have much to do with the other house at all and I kind of forget about it most of the time! So we're not putting the pressure on ourselves to get it sold by July - as we all know you can't force something like the sale of a house!! - but we do want to get it on the market, and sorted well and truly by then. And if - God willing - it sells by then, then it would just be a major blessing.

As far as our rental goes, I just want the furniture sorted out, the bedrooms and storage organised, which I'm making a real dent in at the moment, pictures on the wall, extra things we no longer want or need sold, and the backyard finished. We're not far off, as it's a courtyard, I just want it dressed and looking pretty. Aside from that, if the next 20 weeks fly, then that's fine by me!!

Love you little butterfly, can't wait to be your mamma, smell your skin, stroke your hair, shower you in millions of kisses, hold you close, cherish you... xx

Friday, February 12, 2010

9 sleeps and counting...

Almost 18weeks. Almost half way. Praise God. The wait is tough. Made even harder because this bub doesn't kick much. Jordan made himself known from 12 weeks and I never had to wonder if he was still there. I haven't felt much at all for a few weeks. And the few times I thought I've felt something, Bean hasn't repeated his/her performance for me to judge if it really is a kick or just my belly gurgling away. But I still feel calm, and I have just 9 sleeps til my 19 week scan. And then I will be buying either a whole lot of pink or a whole lot of blue! Who knows.

I've gained 2.5kgs so far, which I'm quite pleased with. I spoke to my doctor about controlling my gain as I was already lugging around 7kgs after Jordan and she said just to cut down on the carbs and amp up the vegetables. In the next week after seeing her (at which point my 2kg gain was spot on for 2nd trimester requirements) I gained 2 extra kgs!! My gain was now at 4kgs which I was not impressed about. So I cut out the toast at breakfast, the sandwiches for lunch, the mountains of mashed potato and rice for dinner, and replaced breakky with fruit/yogurt/special k, lunch got swapped for soup or a tuna and salad wrap, and dinner was mostly veges with a bit of meat and very small amount of rice or noodles, and those extra kgs came off in a week! I'm now back down to a 2.5kg gain which is just under for my weeks, which is just perfect. Quite happy with that. Based on either a gain of somewhere between 0-2kgs for the first trimester, and .5kg for every week after, my weight gain could be anything up to 5kgs and would still be classified as 'normal'. Quite chuffed really.

Went through J's old newborn baby clothes today, sorting in to piles of 'unisex' and 'definitely boy' and it felt really nice, bringing back memories of dressing my little newborn in my favourite outfits. I literally gave away boxes and boxes of clothes that I wasn't that attached to, things that were stained beyond being suitable for use again, and things that never really got used as I didn't like the look of them (fussy girl), and was still left with two big tubs of newborn clothes up to about 00. Everything else since then (that hasn't already been given away - even after giving away 80% of it), is still in tubs in J's wardrobe, and they're definitely boy stuff so I'll give it another week and if we don't need them, will get some vacuum bags and store them in the garage. Jordan has been given so many clothes. Dean's mum bought everything in sight when I was pregnant and presented me with two large suitcases full of clothes from Target. There were hundreds of items. And that's not counting everything everyone else got him, and everything I couldn't resist buying. I expect things will be the same this time around. Fun :)

9 sleeps and counting...

Monday, January 18, 2010


Already two weeks since my scan. 14 weeks today. It's just flying by so fast. More and more people have claimed my belly babe to be a girl! 4 weeks til my scan... we'll see :)

My little butterfly is fluttering away nicely now and then. Right now actually. It's such a sweet gentle reminder that everything's ok. Looking forward to the definite kicks though. Not much is going on. Went and bought a bunch of baby clothes and a couple of rugs the other day. Felt really good. Really good. Even bought a couple of pink things. Kept the receipt though... just in case!

My belly is so big! It's getting bigger by the day which is nice. But I'm having to adjust to dressing it again. It feels kind of weird embracing something that you would normally try to disguise when not pregnant - the belly's going to take a bit of getting used to. It's been 4 years since I've done this, so I feel like I'm starting from scratch again! How bizarre.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

and... exhale

God is faithful. And I am grateful. My baby is perfect. Absolutely perfect. We couldn't have had a better scan. I keep wanting to say 'she'. I'm almost drawn to it. Everyone seems to be betting on a girl. And it's starting to rub off on me. Since having Jordan, I'd hoped the next one would be a boy followed by a girl a number of years later (though we certainly don't get to choose!!). But with the problems I've had these last couple of years trying to get pregnant and then staying pregnant, I figure if this one is a girl, then having one of each, I might be content with just the two of them. One of each. If it's just too hard and too painful getting pregnant again or if Dean puts the brakes on and insists on only two (though I'd love more) then at least I have my boy and I have my girl. And our little family would be complete. But since we have no control over these things, I must simply sit back and wait for my 18-22week scan to find out!

Back to the scan. So we got there and instantly, s/he appeared on the screen (my heart melted) with her/his little heart flashing away. It took my breath away. My little one, laying back, perfectly still, except for moving her/his little hand from her/his belly to her/his head now and then. Little thing just wanted to sleep. Which was perfect for all the measuring and checking out that the technician needed to do. Half way through though, we needed Bean to move so she moved the wand over my belly a little harder and Bean rolled over with her/his back to us as if to go back to sleep. Too precious. In the end, the technician had to jiggle the wand to wake up my little belly babe. It was so funny, Bean jumped to life waving her/his limbs about as though startled and wondering what on earth was going on!! Though the image of Bean sleeping peacefully was wonderful, it was good to see her/him moving around like that.

So I am allowing myself to completely exhale now and finally take another breath. I can breathe freely. For the first time in 8 weeks since I saw those two precious pink lines, I am breathing. Praise God. I've also been feeling a bit of movement. Just very small, so small I've been questioning if it's actually movement or just gurgling. But it still feels good. Now I'm going to go and shop up a storm, a storm of yellow and beige and green and grey for the next six weeks until I find out what we're having!

Sunday, January 3, 2010

still calm...

I had some bleeding last night. I so didn't need this. It hasn't broken my resolve, and while it unsettled me, I didn't lose sleep over it. We'd just had sex when I noticed the all-too-familiar pink staining when I went to the toilet. I'd had some feelings of 'tightness' not quite cramping, but not exactly comfortable either, for the better part of the last week, as well as some lower back pain. I told my doctors at church today and they don't feel too concerned. They thought there was no point in me rushing out to get an emergency scan (which there's no guarantee I would get after waiting in the emergency room for hours anyway) when I'm having my 12week tomorrow. This has to be fine. This baby has to be alive. I have to see four limbs waving about and a perfect little heart flashing away. But I still feel calm. Praise God.

Saturday, January 2, 2010


Two sleeps to go. Less than 48 hours. I have a strange sense of calm. It can only be God. Only He can give me peace amidst turmoil.
I saw a bunch of gorgeous neutral bonds clothes at the shops today. I could have bought all of them. But I didn't. I just couldn't bear to buy them, and have to leave them in a bag with the tags attached and the receipt close, just in case. That would have been torture. And then to return them if things didn't go well on monday.
43 hours. And I'll be sleeping for about 18 of them.

Come on baby... hold on. Let me be your mamma. Don't join your sisters just yet. Spend a lifetime with me first... please?
I love you little one.