Monday, July 5, 2010

mentally... just exhausted

These last number of weeks have been just exhausting. Being constantly told something different is doing my head in. After my 37 week scan last week I got into the car and just cried. I wanted a solid answer. At that point I was hoping... praying that she would be transverse or breech and I would be booked for a caesar. But to be told she's head down again, I was really quite upset. I just wanted something that would ensure the safety of my baby. I knew that a caesar would ensure she wouldn't start to come out the wrong way, but I now felt like I would spend the rest of my pregnancy worrying about when I go into labour, and what position she might be in when I do. The next (possibly up to) 4 1/2 weeks felt like an insurmountable mountain. And all I could think was 'what the hell was all this for then?' all the worry when I was first told she was transverse, then coming to terms with needing a caesar, then to finally be told I wont be booked for one and we'd just have to hope that all is fine when I go into labour.

So today's 38 week midwife checkup... why should I be expecting anything different? The checkup itself was good, though my bp was much higher. I'm measuring slightly under for weeks, which is no big deal. Fetal heart rate is perfect, and she's still head down, and very low. I asked the midwife if she'd do a stretch and sweep. She said she doesn't do it personally but was happy to call the ward to see if they would do it. So she calls the ward and they said no problem, send her up. I go up there with the trainee nurse who wanted to watch the procedure, and the nurse at reception says no worries, there's a room waiting for me. We get in there, wait for about 10 minutes, and the trainee goes looking for the midwife, then I hear this loud mouthed Irish lady complaining about what I would need a stretch and sweep for, what medical grounds, etc. So she marches in sits on the bed, and explains that it's 'not their policy' to do it before 38 weeks. Though 38 weeks is considered 'term' and a baby (as big as she apparently is - over 8lbs already) coming at this point is just fine. She said I would have to wait until 40 weeks.

So what is the point in waiting for 40 weeks? It could take a few trys for it to work, and at 40 weeks I have just 10 days until I'd be artificially induced anyway! So doesn't make sense! And seriously, if it 'wasn't their policy' I wouldn't have gotten the green light from two other midwives. What an idiot.

But I have an appt with my accupuncturist tomorrow, and we can hopefully start the induction points and see what happens from there.

And I've been having contraction like pains, and have been on the toilet so much! It's such a blessing having Celine, she's done this so many times, and she's SO OPEN that I can say anthing to her (like I did today when I said what's the best position to use in sex when you're trying to bring on labour?) and she'll get it and laugh and have some story to tell, and advice to give. She is wonderful. I love her dearly.

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