Wednesday, December 30, 2009


So 5 sleeps to go before my 12 week scan. It's on monday next week. I will be exactly 12 weeks. I - am - scared. I haven't felt any movement for a number of days, and the food aversion/nausea is pretty much gone. But still very tired. I so need to see my baby. To be reassured it's still alive. To know it's little heart is still beating. I just can't see the 12 week scan. I can't imagine it in my head. I just can't. I'm constantly trying but it wont happen. I haven't had a succcessful one since Jordan 4 years ago. This is doing my head in.
God give me faith.

Friday, December 25, 2009

restrained... but positive :)

Again I haven't written for a few weeks. I'm finding it hard not to gush over this baby, and until I see it kicking away at the 12 week scan, I just can't allow myself to get too... 'gushy'.

So I'm almost 11 weeks. Monday I will be 11 weeks. Monday I will make my appointment to see my baby within the following week. And I will continue to hold my breath just a little until we get there.

On the positive side, I've felt a little bit of movement. I don't care what anyone says, if the baby is big enough to feel it if it were sitting in the palm of my hand, then I can feel it moving in my belly. And I've felt it move a little a few times now. Just as I did with Jordan. And at 12 weeks I was feeling full movement when pregnant with him, and I expect I'll feel the same this time around.

We chose Christmas day to announce the pregnancy on FaceBook, and to tell family members that we saw at lunch today. Everyone seems really happy for us. I printed out a pic of belly babe and just casually showed it to my grandma, and my uncle's new wife, and it took a second for them to realise what they were looking at. Of course it was followed by hugs and kisses. So wonderful to have support.

My belly is so big. Honestly, I didn't show this much until I was 20 weeks with Jordan. I'm only 10 1/2. Hopefully it will ease off a bit soon and not keep growing at the rate it has been!!

Should go to bed now. So so tired after last night's late night getting the house and food prepared for Christmas breakfast this morning. I had about 4 hours and have felt exhausted all day. Hopefully a long restful sleep tonight.

Merry Christmas!!

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

waiting to exhale...

I haven't written for over a month. I knew that if I wrote, I would not be able to resist writing those words that excite and scare me. I was too scared to write those words for fear that writing them, they would no longer be. I still have that fear, but don't want to deny what is. I need to have faith in God, and not in superstition (though I'm certainly not supersticious).

Here are the words... I am pregnant. There. Said it. I've been happy to tell people, but something about writing it down, here, it scared me. I've been left feeling foolish too many times because I've jumped the gun and spoken of my babies too early. But today was special. Today we saw our precious little bubba and her heartbeat. Or his. Whatever. I don't care what the sex is, I just want a baby. It looked like a little bean, with not much to see but a small body, large head, and a little perfect flashing heart that was beating wildly at 167bpm!! Awesome. I am 8 weeks 1 day, and in 4 weeks I will be out of the woods, and will be able to breathe a little easier. Today I allowed myself to exhale just a little, in 4 weeks, I will release and take a full breath for the first time in 8 weeks. God is good. So good to me.

I am exhausted. The nausea isn't anywhere near as bad as it was with Jordan, which makes me wonder if this is a little girl, but the fatigue is awful. And Jordan just wakes up so early every morning.

Can't write anymore. Need to go to bed.

By the way. There is definitely only ONE baby in there. Praise God!!!