Wednesday, September 23, 2009

" wishin' and hopin' and thinkin' and prayin' "

At mum's group this morning I went to the loo and had some 'discolouration'. My period isn't due for 2 1/2 weeks... I'm thinking maybe it's an implantation bleed? I can only hope. It would make sense, I was apparently ovulating as my period was ending, which was only 7 days ago, maybe I ovulated early this month, got pregnant straight away, and this is the implant bleed... who knows?!? I'm seeing doc tomorrow to get the results of my blood tests, and will mention all of this to her, maybe she'll want to take some blood and do a preg test - hopefully! She sees the friend of mine who is only just pregnant, and because her hormones had been all over the place because of breast feeding, she'd had her hormones monitored for months, and this month the doc said 'you're either very early into a pregnancy or there's something odd going on with your hormones'... so she took more blood for a preg test and got a call shortly after saying 'you're pregnant!!' she was over the moon. On the same day, in the morning, she'd taken a home preg test, and it was negative, as it had been the week before, but when she went to throw the test in the bin later on, it had changed to positive!! She took another test, which was positive again, and then got the phone call from our doc with the good news. What an awesome way to find out!! Especially as this is likely to be her last baby. She already has four, and this will most likely be her last one. I'm so thrilled for her :)

I found it interesting that in my journal, the scripture that is written at the bottom of the page is this.........

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart" - Jeremiah Chapter 1 Verse 5

Maybe it's a sign :)

If and when it happens, I'm going to try my hardest not to tell anyone except for my absolute closest friends, and of course Dean and mum. And especially not my in-laws. I couldn't believe it when Dean told his mum last time. I was only 5 weeks, and I said to him if I lost this baby he's going to have to tell his family, I'm not going through that again. They're so insensitive. They either say nothing, no 'Oh I'm so sorry to hear that' or 'Are you feeling ok? Is there anything we can do to help?'. Or they're just so awful and ask accusatory questions like 'What did you do to make that happen?!' What the hell?!?! Who says that?!!? Honestly, sometimes I think they are pure evil. But at times, they can be nice. But even the devil can be nice when it means he'll get something to go his way.

Anyway, that's my venting for the day. I'm not going to let that happen again. When we get to 14 weeks, Dean can tell them. No earlier.

So I'm going to go and have my last cup of coffee for the month (if I get my period, I'll have some more, but just in case this is it - I want to do things right) throw away the 1/2 pack of cigarrettes that I bought to drown my sorrows in, and remember the awesome champagne we had a couple of nights ago, think of it's sweet fruity-ness, and be thankful that this could be the month.


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