Sunday, September 13, 2009

two negatives and a positive

My period was late. Only just. Was due on thursday just gone, and that afternoon I took a test. Negative. Very very negative. Not even a shadow of a line. Thought first thing the next morning would be a good time to do another one, as HCG levels are highest in the morning. Again, negative. Very negative. Good feelings and bad feelings. Good feelings because my body really should get back to a normal cycle before conceiving as my doctor suggested. And bad because in spite of my brain and my logic, my heart and my belly can't wait for another baby.

So I'm stuck on the fence. Which is where I usually sit. I sit there so often my butt hurts. I'm a fence sitter regarding most topics people have a strong opinion on - a whole range of topics - religion, politics, preferences. Anyway, so that's where I am. On the fence. Not knowing exactly how I feel about not being pregnant this month. Of course how I feel about it has zero impact on the situation and outcome!!

So that's the two negatives. And the positive??? My wonderful friend, who has been trying to get pregnant for a while as have we, is PREGNANT!! I really am truly happy for her. She's the most beautiful person. I love her dearly. And I believe we'll be pregnant together, I'll just be a little behind her, which is fine :)

In the past I have found it difficult (sometimes incredibly painful, agonising) to be around friends who're pregnant or have just had a baby. Especially ones who have had theirs in the time that I should have had mine. But something is so special about this friend that I can't help but be thrilled for her. We'd both been trying when I fell pregnant with my last bubba - she was so thrilled for me! And she'd found out that she wouldn't be able to conceive for a while as she was breast feeding her little one. So I can't help but be happy for this wonderful lady.

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