new beginnings

It's been two months since my last post. An incredibly busy two months.

After my last post, I ended up going into labour that night and went to the hospital the next morning (the 29th). And after a long hard (and another posterior!!) labour of 14 hours, our sweet little girl Lucinda Rose was born. A little girl. Finally. After losing 3 little princesses, I finally have one in my arms. And she's mine. All mine. So much love for this slippery little thing. She was big. 9pd 3oz or 4.185kgs! And she was posterior for most of the delivery, right up until she crowned actually. Which made for a long, slow progressing, incredibly painful, hard labour. And the next one WILL be cut out. Or I will have an epidural at the start and feel nothing. It really was the most painful thing, gosh I thought Jordan's labour was painful. At least with his by the time it was time to push, it didn't hurt at all. With Lucy, as I was pushing I felt like my pelvis was being ripped apart, my coxyx (?) ached for days afterwards, and it felt like her head was grinding against my bones as she was starting to make her way through. Oh my goodness. I SCREAMED. Literally screamed my way through the actual birth.

But you know what? She. was. worth. it. And she came out so different looking to Jordan. She was a little bigger but had all this dark hair!! And had no trouble breathing, she just lay on my chest, bleeting like a little lamb, and looking at me with absolute peace. Like she was saying 'I'm here now, it's ok, I've been waiting for you too' it was so emotional. I couldn't believe it. That is the addictive part of having babies. That first moment together. Nothing else like it.

Still want the next one cut out though :P

Well it's been an eventful few weeks since my last post. I've basically been in labour on and off for weeks, but it just wont progress or establish. Jordan had chronic vomiting and diarrhea since friday last week, and developed a fever and severe lethargy since sunday. Poor little guy. So sad.
So we took him to see the doc this morning and none of the normal checks showed anything, so sent him off for full blood works. It was horrendous. So awful to have to restrain your crying child while someone puts a needle in them :( Luckily he'd had some anisthetic cream applied to his arms earlier so it didn't actually hurt, it was more that he was frightened by the whole situation.
We have a follow up appointment tomorrow and hopefully know what's wrong with him shortly.

It's amazing how God has had his hand on the timing of this baby's birth. Had she come a few days ago, I could still be in hospital, and J wouldn't have been able to visit us (which, when all he wants is mummy, would have been so traumatic for him) if I'd had her earlier and we'd been home, we would have had to keep her away from him in case it's contagious, and I would have been having to be extra careful I didn't spread it from one child to another. But because this baby is perfectly, safely wrapped up in my belly, I'm able to completely devote myself to my son, without compromising the health or care of my daughter. God is so good.

And it's incredible, the link between the mind, body, and heart. I've gone into labour so many times - especially over the last week, but every time the contractions get intense, Jordan throws up, or his temp burns up, and he needs me, and then the contractions all but disappear. Amazing.

My induction is booked for friday morning, so I have less than 48 hours to have to wait for the beginning of this little girl entering the world. At my 41 week appt, the doc tried to make my induction for wednesday - which is today, but they were so booked up that they made it for friday instead. Needless to say I was a little deflated by the thought, but I know now that for Jordan to go through everything without me there, it would have been just awful. And I would have felt so selfish for being in hospital with my newborn while he's distressed calling out for his mumma :( Again, God is so so SO good.

Something also hit me last night. When I had my first few scans, they said that I was two days off with my conception date. I was actually 2 days less pregnant than my dates according to my last period. They don't bother to change the dates unless it's off by 6 days or more. So I always knew I was two days less, which makes my induction at 9 days past due, instead of 11. And at the end of a pregnancy, it's things like that that can do your head in!! I kept thinking 11 days! It's meant to be 1o tops!! But knowing it's 9, well, it kinda helps :)

So I will have a wriggly pink warm little baby girl in my arms in probably 48 hours!! Can't believe this pregnancy, waited for for so long, is almost over! Just 48 hours. Incredible. Thank you God for bringing me through this time, and bringing me to this point. Thank you thank you thank you. I love you.

wondering

I had a session with my accupuncturist today. I should have been back there weeks ago (after their month off to go to Europe) but with all this questioning surrounding whether I'd have a natural birth or caesar there was no point in having sessions if I didn't need them.

So now we know, and now we can go ahead! I walked in and he said how many weeks left, and I replied less than 2, then told him baby is big and measuring ahead of weeks and would he be able to do some induction techniques... and he said he'd be very happy to start induction on me!! Woo-freaking-hoo!!!!!!!!!!!!! At last someone who is taking this baby's size and gestation seriously and is willing to do use some natural techniques to bring this baby on!

So Paul did pretty much the same points he used when we were trying to get Jordan moving almost 4 years ago. One in each little toe, one next to each knee, one near each ankle, and one in each hand between the index finger and thumb. And goodness, the pains (contractions really) were rather strong - quite like bad period pain, tightness in the low abdominals, low back pain, and even some achiness in my butt cheeks - weird!! Haha. They were pretty much constant for the whole session, and I've been having pre-labour contractions ever since. Hopefully this will do the trick! I have another session on thursday and we'll take it from there.

mentally... just exhausted

These last number of weeks have been just exhausting. Being constantly told something different is doing my head in. After my 37 week scan last week I got into the car and just cried. I wanted a solid answer. At that point I was hoping... praying that she would be transverse or breech and I would be booked for a caesar. But to be told she's head down again, I was really quite upset. I just wanted something that would ensure the safety of my baby. I knew that a caesar would ensure she wouldn't start to come out the wrong way, but I now felt like I would spend the rest of my pregnancy worrying about when I go into labour, and what position she might be in when I do. The next (possibly up to) 4 1/2 weeks felt like an insurmountable mountain. And all I could think was 'what the hell was all this for then?' all the worry when I was first told she was transverse, then coming to terms with needing a caesar, then to finally be told I wont be booked for one and we'd just have to hope that all is fine when I go into labour.

So today's 38 week midwife checkup... why should I be expecting anything different? The checkup itself was good, though my bp was much higher. I'm measuring slightly under for weeks, which is no big deal. Fetal heart rate is perfect, and she's still head down, and very low. I asked the midwife if she'd do a stretch and sweep. She said she doesn't do it personally but was happy to call the ward to see if they would do it. So she calls the ward and they said no problem, send her up. I go up there with the trainee nurse who wanted to watch the procedure, and the nurse at reception says no worries, there's a room waiting for me. We get in there, wait for about 10 minutes, and the trainee goes looking for the midwife, then I hear this loud mouthed Irish lady complaining about what I would need a stretch and sweep for, what medical grounds, etc. So she marches in sits on the bed, and explains that it's 'not their policy' to do it before 38 weeks. Though 38 weeks is considered 'term' and a baby (as big as she apparently is - over 8lbs already) coming at this point is just fine. She said I would have to wait until 40 weeks.

So what is the point in waiting for 40 weeks? It could take a few trys for it to work, and at 40 weeks I have just 10 days until I'd be artificially induced anyway! So doesn't make sense! And seriously, if it 'wasn't their policy' I wouldn't have gotten the green light from two other midwives. What an idiot.

But I have an appt with my accupuncturist tomorrow, and we can hopefully start the induction points and see what happens from there.

And I've been having contraction like pains, and have been on the toilet so much! It's such a blessing having Celine, she's done this so many times, and she's SO OPEN that I can say anthing to her (like I did today when I said what's the best position to use in sex when you're trying to bring on labour?) and she'll get it and laugh and have some story to tell, and advice to give. She is wonderful. I love her dearly.

praying...

Since my last post I've seen my normal GP. She felt for bub and said she was head down. Then a moment later she felt again, and baby had moved to the side! She was then on the diagonal, with her butt under my right rib, and head down near my left hip! This is classified as an 'unstable lie' where she is somewhere between head down, and transverse, often switching between the two. This can be just as bad as transverse because if I do go in to labour, thinking she's head down, she might move, which will mean an emergency caesar. So I'm really hoping, praying actually, that on monday the scan will show her in a definite position (either transverse or breech) that will cause the OB to book me in for a caesar. It's not something I want to risk, and I couldn't spend the next 4 weeks waiting for labour to start, hoping that she's ok. I'd have to go straight to hospital, and be monitored constantly. It would be very stressful. And if she keeps flipping around, the cord could wrap around her neck, which is bad both inside the womb, and also in delivery. I've been googling it and have read enough to feel very strongly that an elective caesar is the best way to go for us.
Now I'm just praying for an obvious position in the scan where the OB will want to book me in for a caesar within a few days. I can get Kristal over here quickly and it can all be over and I can know that she is safe and sound on the outside, where I can protect her.
Praying praying praying...
Please Lord, this really is the best thing for me and my girl, You've brought us this far xx

cheeky baby

I had my scan yesterday. She is perfect. Growing like a weed actually! She's gained 2 pounds in 2 1/2 weeks! And all over is measuring between 37-38 weeks, but I'm only 35 1/2 weeks :P goodness me. Oh and her estimated weight is 7 1/2 pounds!!! SD ratio was perfect, and she's obviously getting the nutrients she needed, so all good on that front.

However. The little miss has moved. Yep. After being in the perfect position for most of the 3rd trimester, she's gone and moved into a transverse position - worse than breech - where her head is under my left rib, her bum is under my right rib, and her feet are on my cervix. Awesome. And she's unlikely to move. She's obviously done it because she's running out of room, and is more comfortable where she is now, which is totally understandable, I mean, fair enough girl! So if we did move her (which Sandie assures me they wouldn't because it's painful and dangerous) there's a good chance she'll just move right back because she'll be uncomfortable. So that means a caesar for me. Far out. So much for coming to peace (after desperately wanting a caesar for the first two years after having Jordan!) with a natural birth. I'd even decided on a waterbirth, with accupuncture! But this isn't meant to be. And last night I was feeling ok about it. But this morning I woke up feeling tight in the chest and panicky and I couldn't get a proper breath. I ended up getting up early with Jordan, making a hot chocolate, and vegemite on toast. Which has made me feel less nauseas but I'm still anxious. Ugh. This sucks. So I'm now asking friends who have had great caesars to tell me their stories to try and alleviate the nerves. I so hope they'll get this over with soon. Sandie thinks they'll book me in at 37 weeks, which is a week from Monday. On Monday I have my normal 36 week checkup and the hospital doctor will probably book me in for the following Monday, or sometime shortly after. Because it's such a dangerous position for her to be in if I to go in to labour, they can't risk it by making it closer to 39 weeks which is what they'd do for a baby who is in the standard breech position. So this could all be over with in about 10 days!!

As for the strong contractions I was having the other night, turns out they were her moving position. No wonder. It was just so bizarre to be in that room again, and hearing the guy tell me that she's transverse. Two days earlier I was at the hospital, on monitors, checking everything out and she was head down! The midwife felt her! Less than 48 hours later I'm told she's moved. I know that this is God's plan, and I trust that. And I do have peace knowing this is what needs to be done, I really do. I'm just freaking out about the procedure that's all. Oh God, help me.

almost time

I've been having some very strong braxton hicks contractions tonight. Quite a bit like bad period pain. With some backache. Good sign.

I have my scan tomorrow (my 7th for this pregnancy!!) and should know what's going on with the SD ratio (umbillical cord). If all is fine and bub is growing and the cord looks good then I guess they wont see the need to scan again, if not, then I suppose they'll book me in for another scan and compare again and take it from there.

I have complete peace about it all though, just as I have from the very start, even before I knew I was pregnant. This baby will be perfect when she's born. Absolutely perfect. And I can't wait to meet my sweet little thing!